the planets. jupiter
VERHEIDEN: Even the most oblivious to the skies would guess Jupiter hangs on your walls.
FORHEISER: ‘Course he does.
FORHEISER: Floating the highest, after Mars, above the Sun.
VERHEIDEN: I see.
FORHEISER: I even got the inclination right, ya know.
VERHEIDEN: Not quite a challenging feat, I’m afraid. It is almost parallel to its axis.
FORHEISER: ’Cause Jupiter gotta spin fast, ya know.
VERHEIDEN: Stormy skies, radioactive clouds.
FORHEISER: Lightstorms, thousands of miles across!
VERHEIDEN: An Expressionist masterpiece.
FORHEISER: Forged by passion and anger!
VERHEIDEN: Not to be surprised you would label it male.
FORHEISER: There’s nothing more manly than Jupiter flying around, pal.
VERHEIDEN: There is a particularly unnerving misogynistic satisfaction in the way you pronounce “Jupiter.”
VERHEIDEN: Despise for everything female.
FORHEISER: I’m welcome into everybody’s hell, fella.
VERHEIDEN: Colleric beauty aside, what would make Jupiter worthy of such praise.
FORHEISER: He was the first out there, man.
VERHEIDEN: The first.
FORHEISER: And we’re talkin’ firstborn in a proto-system, when Mr. God used to play polo throwing planets around like kids with snap n’pops.
VERHEIDEN: Jupiter is, indeed, a survivor.
FORHEISER: He was the pioneer, man; the one who stepped into the saloon with the Law under his arms, amidst the Planetary Wild West, out with his own blood.
VERHEIDEN: His gravity indeed stabilized orbits.
FORHEISER: That’s why Earth has a crush on him.
VERHEIDEN: Jupiter does deflect threats from Earth.
FORHEISER: And, ya know, he could be a star, if he wanted.
VERHEIDEN: I believe he could not. Jupiter is a failed star.
FORHEISER: Jupiter’s no failed star, pal!
FORHEISER: ’Cause had he snatched some hydrogen from Saturn and blow-up like daddy Sun did, then there would be no Earth to behold, my friend, ’cause he would fry and crush Earth, Mars, and whoever unlucky enough to pass by.
VERHEIDEN: So Jupiter chose to be a planet.
FORHEISER: Yea, he did, like, a sacrifice, ya know.
VERHEIDEN: To give Earth a chance.
FORHEISER: A chance to be, ya know.
VERHEIDEN: Sustain life.
FORHEISER: And plants.
FORHEISER: The guy’s worthy, man.
VERHEIDEN: You may have a point in there.