the planets. mars
VERHEIDEN: If I recall correctly, you did purchase Mars.
FORHEISER: ‘Course I did.
VERHEIDEN: Let me guess. Mars is red.
FORHEISER: Reddish red.
VERHEIDEN: Mars is bright.
FORHEISER: Brightly bright!
VERHEIDEN: Mars is blood.
FORHEISER: Bleeding blood!
VERHEIDEN: Mars is might.
VERHEIDEN: Holst used to call it the “Bringer of War.”
FORHEISER: Mars is kind, you know.
FORHEISER: Mars is a dude, that’s for sure, but he’s not a badass, like Jupiter, nor an asshole, like Venus.
VERHEIDEN: What makes Mars a nice guy.
FORHEISER: Mars was in love with Earth. That was, like, a bazillion years ago, but he was.
VERHEIDEN: Mars loved Earth.
FORHEISER: Yea, and they made a great couple back in the day. Mars was full of oceans and stuff.
VERHEIDEN: The data indeed accuses masses of water.
FORHEISER: Yea, he and Earth were more, like, the similar kind, ya know.
VERHEIDEN: But love tore them apart.
FORHEISER: Tore Mars apart!
VERHEIDEN: What happened.
FORHEISER: Earth always had her own rhythm, you know. It’s a magnetic thing that protects her from that nasty stuff the Sun throws at the planets.
VERHEIDEN: Solar Winds.
FORHEISER: Right. So, Mars couldn’t keep up. He needed his own magnetism, but the guy’s actually a bit small, fragile even…
VERHEIDEN: Mars is fragile?
FORHEISER: Bullied by Big Brother Jupiter, ya know.
VERHEIDEN: What happened to Earth.
FORHEISER: She got tired of covering his ass and asked Jupiter out.
VERHEIDEN: Earth dumped Mars?
FORHEISER: She did.
VERHEIDEN: That is why Mars lost its oceans?
FORHEISER: You bet. Thing is, without Earth, Mars was naked facing that nasty wind stuff. Lost lots of his atmosphere. His oceans dried up. He dried up.
VERHEIDEN: Is Mars lovesick?
FORHEISER: Mars is the forever desert of icy dust that settles after the scars of love.
VERHEIDEN: An Archeology of Love.
FORHEISER: Planetary Love.
VERHEIDEN: You’re still a male chauvinist pig, Mr. Heiser.
VERHEIDEN: But you may have a point in there.